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I would want to redo this day, and not attend the Philosophy make-up class. Ugh. I felt really bad after the class, not merely because I wasn't able to answer the question I was asked, but also because I realized a lot of things and it's not making me happy. To expound on that, let me share this short lamentation I wrote a few hours ago at the back of my Math notebook.

The bus trip from Manila to Cavite seemed to last for only 15 minutes, even though it was actually an hour. I had been thinking hard during the whole trip, that's why. Well, I was alternately thinking and sleeping, I guess. Thinking about what? I was thinking about what I am doing with my life. I am so bewildered right now. And yet, I feel so apathetic. I know it seems that I have lots of things in mind and little time to sort them out and think but still...

I feel so apathetic (I'll say it yet again). I knew the consequences of my apathy, but I don't feel any motivation. I want to have good grades, but every time I try to study, I just fail in doing so. Does studying hate me that much? Now I feel so left behind, I feel like I'm drowning in a sea full of geniuses. I don't want to give up, though. Of course not. I'm the one who threw myself into that sea, anyway. And I am going to get out of there alive.


Dramatic, yes? I know it is, but that's really what I feel these days. Uni's not going well for me, there are a lot of things (and people) that irk me, and the most irritating thing is that I feel that I'm becoming a different person, and that I'm slowly drifting away from the ideal person that I want to be :(

Is this what they call teenage blues? Ugh. Let this stupid phase be over with, please.
shiawasenajinsei: (Default)
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HIGH SCHOOL NIGHT, yeah. There were a lot of times when I only had about 1-3 hours of sleep due to cramming, but it was the High School Night when I totally stayed awake all night long. We had that before our last Christmas vacation as high school students.

At first we had an open forum. We talked about lots of things. Like, who we like least in class and why. We also had a chance to say something to the class. Well, just the girls because we couldn't fit in the classroom so they decided to separate the boys from the girls. But anyway, I guess it was better that way, because the talk kind of got dramatic.

And then when it was around 2:00, the others got sleepy and just slept. But as for me, I said to myself that I wasn't going to sleep. I wasn't feeling sleepy anyway because I drank 2 cups of coffee then. Haha. I just listened to music and did some reflections on my own ;]]

At around 5:00 we were called because we had to do some kind of morning exercise. Well technically it still felt like midnight, because the sun was nowhere in sight. It was really cold back then. That Christmas season was the coldest in my life so far. Really, the climate is scary. But I actually like that kind of weather. Anyway, we were all freezing in cold even after the exercise. The dawn broke at around 6:00. Most of the people were already preparing to go home.

I stayed in school till 7:00. I laid in one of those backyard sets (how should I call it?) where we sit in under the coconut trees (yes, the landscape of our school is somewhat deviant xD). I was really groggy, because I had a tough cold. But still, I could remember that day very vividly. The light blue sky, the tall and lean coconut trees, the refreshing morning sunlight and the freezing winter-like breeze.

Oh, the memories :]]
shiawasenajinsei: (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd] Hundreds? Thousands? I really don't know, but I belong to the group of people who have a knack for remembering song lyrics. I can memorize the lyrics to a song after listening to it for several times, so there are a lot of songs I know by heart, even Japanese ones which I don't fully understand.
shiawasenajinsei: (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd] What a month it was. Firstly it was my birth month, so there was something I looked forward to. I certainly had fun. It was also the month for our final exams, graduation practices and of course the graduation ceremony. The first two weeks were quite stressful, the thought of not being able to see my friends that often anymore and leaving my carefree high school days behind saddened me a bit, but it was a memorable month.
shiawasenajinsei: (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd] I'd love to try skydiving! Bungee jumping is good as well. Anything that involves heights are exciting for me, so I'd like to try doing one of those extreme sports just once. Now if only I could afford doing that.

Aside from that I'd also like to try out martial arts. I'm planning on learning taekwondo during my summer break.

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Shiela

December 2016

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