I had been waiting for the year's final sunset, but 2016 seems to be exiting in the same way it had entered - with a shower of rain :)) I've been meaning to write for days now, but the words can't seem to flow in a coherent manner. Weeks ago, I've told myself I should get back to writing my year-end wrap-up posts again. I've been resorting to brief status posts on Facebook for the past four New Year's Eves, and this kind of thing is actually becoming cliche already. But my recent rediscovery of my past writings in my old blog has reminded me of why the last day of the year has always compelled me to write - looking back at the year that passed allows me to remember more what I am grateful for, and putting the lessons and realizations into writing helps me in turning these into action for the times ahead. Not to mention, this year has really been momentous :))
So now I sit here in front of the computer trying to put my thoughts towards the past 12 months into words. I am looking back at a year that has been trying from start to finish, a case that is not exclusive to me; in fact, I think it has been a difficult year for many. As such, I feel that the me that is writing this right now - the me from December 31, 2016 - is a wholly different person from the me of January 1st.
Early in the year, I found myself facing significant hurdles I was not able to prepare myself for. The uncertainties of my chosen career path have swept over me in a sudden rush. Unexpectedly, I found myself struggling to stay afloat turbulent waters, not knowing what to do or where to go. The ship that had previously held me was my comfort zone, so it was natural for the transition to be difficult.
Nonetheless, time continued to pass, and though the days after that were not idle, I had a lot of time in my hands. This led me to focus on working on some of the many things I have always wanted to accomplish. But along the way, I uncovered some of my weaknesses, and this was only amplified by the next adventure of my work life. Yet another tiring transition, but I am thankful as this allowed me to realize how unkind I have been to myself. Most of the anxiety I cultivated this year was due to this sense of perfectionism I had within me that I didn't realize was actually such a burden. Life is meant to be lived forward, but sometimes it's inevitable that you take a step back. It's okay. We all have our weaknesses, and while we should always strive to overcome them, sometimes the way around a hurdle is around it instead of over it. It's important to acknowledge and accept these weaknesses and take it lightly. One step at a time. Be patient and be kind, to others and to yourself.
A sunset that paints its gentle golden glow over a tranquil sea. That is how I'd put the end of this year into a metaphor. Just a couple of weeks prior I was internally complaining I was not feeling the holidays despite my freedom from work and school. I wanted to feel again the loud, festive cheer that I often felt during the Christmases of my childhood. On Christmas Day though, I received a different yet very welcome gift: I had been feeling this quiet sense of peace, the kind wherein all your troubles seem to be faraway. I know the sea will not always be tranquil, but nonetheless, the pearls that had come out of my struggles this year ignite a new light of hope and courage in me, and for that I am very grateful.
Thank you Lord, for your grace that carries me through, and for my family and friends to support me.
(From now on too, I will be in your favor.)